Pull Myself Back In
by Funky In Fishnet
Summary: Dr Helen Cho is affected by her time under Ultron's control. It's not something she ever wants to talk about. There's a lot the Vision still has to learn.


_**Disclaimer:** I own nothing._

 _ **Author Notes:** Set after 'The Avengers: Age of Ultron', so beware spoilers._

* * *

 **PULL MYSELF BACK IN**

Dr Helen Cho was aware of a breeze at her back. She didn't pay it much attention as she worked on digging shrapnel out of Colonel Rhodes' leg; Randall and Mac were assisting her and no major arteries were nicked, which made everything easier. Once Helen had pulled the last piece out, Randall immediately focused on cleaning the wounds out as Helen stepped back while Mac prepared to stitch the wounds closed afterward.

"Get those cleaned up and sent to the labs," Helen told Larissa who nodded sharply as she walked off with a dish full of shrapnel.

Helen stayed in the room, watching as her colleagues worked. Nobody else needed her assistance – Wanda had only suffered minor cuts and a slice to her arm that had already been sewn up and the Captain's rapid healing had taken care of whatever pain he'd suffered when he'd taken a couple of heavy hits. So Helen watched until Mac put down his curved needle. Then she inspected and commended his work.

"Have your reports in before the end of the week," she reminded them both as they headed out the door.

Colonel Rhodes was still unconscious. He was a military man, a hero before he'd ever put on the War Machine armor, but he was refreshingly at ease with spending time in Medical. He'd been practically eager to be put under, remarking that he'd had stuff cut out of him without much in the way of pain relief before and he hated to repeat that. He was always full of stories, of War Machine missions and life and times with Tony Stark.

Helen peeled off her bloodied gloves and dumped them in the disposal chute, letting out a deep breath. She was supposed to be meeting with a group from one of Jane Foster's labs but once the Avengers had arrived, Helen had been called to the Medical wing. That happened a lot.

There was that breeze behind her again and she turned to find the Vision stood at her shoulder, his expression fixed in its usual deep interest. He'd become a familiar face in headquarters. He seemed unaffected when people stared; though most people did because categorically speaking he shouldn't exist. But SHIELD was allied with a high-powered alien being who'd been historically interpreted as a god, many situations that should have been stories or fantasies were real now. Some who came to work for SHIELD couldn't deal with that.

Helen could keep a level head but she could also freely admit that the Vision was a miracle, a miracle that she had helped create. She often found her gaze drawn to him, always finding something new to catch her attention, to increase her pride and fire up so many fascinated thoughts, but she tried not to stare. He was also far politer than a lot of the people that Helen interacted with were on a daily basis. It was hard believe he'd been created by Tony Stark.

Ultron was a much easier fit when it came to Tony's habits and attitude. Thinking about Ultron always made something cinch tightly in Helen's chest. She'd known working for SHIELD would be dangerous, that there was the chance something horrifying could happen. She just hadn't fully comprehended how she might be affected. In retrospect, it was frightening, to have been controlled but it hadn't felt like that at the time. It'd been more like incisive guidance, clear-cut and so detailed, and motivation that couldn't be stopped. Under Ultron's control, her mind had felt completely clear; every thought had led easily to another. There'd been no distractions, only work, the sort of progress that she'd always wanted.

"Dr Cho?"

Vision didn't touch her but he was standing closer. Helen came back to herself abruptly. She didn't know whether she was grateful or not. Vision's face was etched with concern. He was lifelike, he had life. It was his own.

"I'm sorry, did you need something?" she asked.

Vision's concern didn't lift, his gaze inspecting her intently. Helen took deep breaths and felt the cinch loosen. She'd spoken a little to Dr Selvig and to a SHIELD psychiatrist, the latter was understandably mandated. Some things she didn't talk about though, as long as she could work without distraction that was all that concerned SHIELD.

"You're quite well?" asked Vision.

It was a very JARVIS thing to say. Helen was struck by that sometimes, JARVIS had been a big help in her work. She'd appreciated his dry humor, the contrast it was to Tony's, and the perspective JARVIS had offered. Now, there was FRIDAY instead who ran things electronically and Vision, a member of the Avengers with JARVIS' voice. And he was waiting for her answer.

"Tired, the surgery was successful on Colonel Rhodes."

"Do you enjoy working as a physician?"

"Not the exhaustion but the challenge and satisfaction, making an often immediate difference."

"Is that why you addressed Colonel Rhodes' injuries without the use of a regenerator?"

Ah, that was a good question. Vision always asked good ones and he didn't mind if people asked him questions in return. He seemed completely fine with people examining him, endlessly talking to him. Perhaps he'd been programmed to accept it. Captain Rogers was equally accommodating when the Medical staff examined him, always polite and considerate and concerned for his teammates. But he wouldn't let anyone take a sample of his blood. Helen would love to examine his bloodcells but Captain Rogers was adamant. There was so much that could be learned from his biology and there was a lot of talk about the reasons for Captain Rogers' refusal.

"Sometimes, Medical personnel are needed out in the field and things happen to equipment."

Vision nodded in understanding, "So SHIELD's Medical staff are trained for likely eventualities."

Helen had heard what agents and medics alike had had to deal with in difficult field situations before, she'd experienced it once or twice herself. When she could, she made sure that everyone's basic skills in Medical were kept sharp. Some medics resented it, some had thanked her.

There was a buzz in Helen's pocket – a cellphone message to remind her of her next meeting. Anticipation affected her expression. There never seemed to be enough time for all of her work, she missed giving all of it the attention it deserved. She missed that clarity of thought.

"Do I make you uncomfortable?"

Helen turned at the Vision's statement. She often wondered at his thought process, at his questions. Did he remember being JARVIS?

Why was he asking her that?

"No."

The Vision nodded once. "I've talked to many people, I realize some find me unnerving, discomforting, and I believed they'd avoided me because of this. This morning I enjoyed a conversation with Nurse Granger shortly after she had finished a nightshift. We talked about Nevada and frostbite. Only later I was told that she finds my presence difficult and uncomfortable."

Helen's lips thinned. It was logical that not everyone would get along, that was the nature of working in a large organization. And Vision was something so new, so startling and divisive - looking and behaving uncannily human whilst also being a machine, intertwined with alien magic. Still, Helen felt angry on his behalf, because of her part in his creation? Well, she also enjoyed his company, as complex and fascinating as it could be. That was part of the enjoyment. Helen liked to work with people that pushed her, that made her better.

"You shouldn't listen to gossip," she told Vision.

"Because it's unreliable. But it's often sourced in truth."

"Someone's version of it."

"Does that prevent it from being true? It is true to them, it could be true to me also."

He didn't seem hurt; he was still his curious self. His capacity for learning was still impressive and inspiring. He lifted a hand towards his own forehead, to the gemstone embedded there.

"This was used to possess your mental faculties. You don't feel uncomfortable in its presence now?"

Helen glanced at the gem that had once been part of Loki's scepter, that'd touched Helen's chest and had spread its brilliant jeweled fingers through her mind, clearing all obstacles, all distractions, so that she could assist Ultron in gaining the body he'd wanted, the body that Vision now used. How could she regret that?

No distractions, no obstacles, only work. That feeling cinched in Helen's chest again. Uncomfortable was not the word she would use for how she felt.

"No," she replied at last. "It helped create you, like I did, like Tony, Dr Banner and Thor. That doesn't make me uncomfortable."

Vision looked thoughtful and Helen checked her cellphone again, messaging her waiting group that her work in the Medical wing was done for now and that she'd be with them soon.

"What does it make you?" Vision asked baldly.

Helen paused only minutely as she tucked her phone away. Her expression was carefully blank, no doubt Vision could see that and yet he'd still asked. She wasn't sure yet if he asked such piercing questions because he hadn't realized that most people avoided asking them or because he was using everyone's assumption of his complete naivety to gain the knowledge he was always seeking. Tony had helped create him; there had to be some Stark slyness in Vision somewhere.

"There is something you miss," Vision noted matter-of-factly, pushing further, as though the cinch inside of her was obvious, as though he could see her thoughts. "I don't know what it is."

"Neither do I," Helen lied abruptly.

Vision looked at her for what felt like an endless moment. He knew she was lying, Helen knew that he did. That was obvious to her. Her words were a deliberate choice. Her chest cinched tighter but she breathed through it. Some truths weren't talked about; it was important for Vision to learn that – he worked for a highly-classified organization. And Helen wanted him to learn it, right now. He had to have noticed what wasn't spoken about among the Avengers, everyone did. Dr Banner had left, that was hard to ignore, as was Clint Barton's now-part-time status, and Pietro Maximoff's permanent absence.

Helen's phone buzzed again, she gave a quick layered smile, out of time again "But you don't make me uncomfortable."

Vision nodded slowly, "I'm glad."

They both were, among other things.

 _-the end_


End file.
